Don’t forget to look in the water.

Some thoughts on 2023.

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I had a tumor removed from my head in March. My surgery happened on a random Thursday at LASUTH. One of my friends, Tosin, waited with my mother and me in the waiting room and we joked about how the doctors would cut open my head. I’d posted a tweet about my procedure the day before—against my family’s wishes — because I wanted people I interacted with online to know what happened if anything went wrong. I didn’t expect that anything would go wrong. I’d been reassured by a neurosurgeon that as far as tumor removals went mine was relatively simple. But my tweet was mostly my way of reaching out to friends for support.

I felt the bump on the back of my head late last year after I cut my afro down to a low cut. It wasn’t sore and felt mostly like a lump so my first instinct was to wait and see if it would get worse. I only started to feel concerned when my girlfriend at the time reacted like she saw a hole in my head. Then my siblings and parents.

Eventually, I was called out of the waiting area and a nurse helped me change out of my clothes and into a hospital gown. I felt cold air on my backside—my gown wasn’t tied tightly and my buttocks were partially visible to anyone looking — and I told the nurse about it. She said it didn’t matter because there was nothing underneath my gown they hadn’t seen before.

I remember smelling fried chicken as I drifted in and out of focus in the operating theatre. I was given local anesthesia to numb any feeling in my head, but I was conscious — facedown — and I passively followed all the sounds around me. The doctors talked about all sorts of things while they worked — like how likely it was that Rema had joined the Illuminati and whether the prices the hospital charged for procedures were sustainable. I was later told that the fried chicken I smelled earlier was my scalp tissue being cauterized. I smelled delicious, and you probably would too. We’re all meat.

I had a bandage wrapped around my head like a Turban for several weeks after my surgery. I was embarrassed to go out because of the inevitable questions and the stares. I got used to wrapping my head in a scarf every time I stepped outside.

My casual tweet had consequences I didn’t expect. I got many messages of concern and well wishes from strangers, all of them positive and kind. A stranger’s mother had a recently diagnosed meningioma and she wanted to know if I knew any specialists at LASUTH. I had friends show up at my house during my recovery and provide whatever support they could. It helped me so much that I made a sort of resolution to be there for people too in that same way whenever I can.

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I had a major depressive episode this year. During that time my friend Chuba said something to me that went like “You’re playing the game of life, you need to go through the stage you’re at to get to the next one.” I interpreted it to mean that every phase you’re working towards or waiting for is on the other side of where you currently are. There’s important work here that you need to do.

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I spent most of this year going through things—enduring and surviving — rarely enjoying. Many of us have shitty circumstances to contend with. Family, health, finances, Nigeria. These things out of our control that curtail our lives in very specific ways. But maybe some of our circumstances are advantageous too.

Before I got into the Univerity of Lagos I wanted to study at the California Institute of Technology. That didn’t work out, but then I made plans with my family to transfer to another University in Europe. That also didn’t work out. I spent a lot of my time in Unilag feeling like the school wasn’t worthy of my best work — but it had a lot to offer too. It was lacking in many ways but there were opportunities there too — advantages I could have utilized more. I’ve learned that I need to aggressively take responsibility for myself and all my circumstances by accepting my life in its current state and making the future I want using the tools at my disposal.

I’ve also come to realize that I — like most people — am far more sensitive to negative experiences than positive ones. I move on from achievements and milestones quickly and dwell on failures and mistakes.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the rhythm of life. We all have dreams or ambitions and we spend our time working towards achieving them. I often have to remind myself to slow down. I was so busy this past month that I realized I hadn’t noticed the sky in a while. It’s a bit silly — its the sky, always there. Nothing new to see. But if I’m always caught up in the busyness I won’t ever find the time or space to appreciate any part of the life I’m living.

Are you in a building? Look up at the ceiling. You probably never notice it. When you’re moving down Third Mainland Bridge look in the water. Look at the steps when you’re climbing the stairs. What does the floor look like?

My task list for this year is mostly unchecked boxes. I made a lot of mistakes but I’ve learned more about myself through them. The two most important ones are on perspective and gratitude.

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Snippets that probably deserve their own category:

• I got into plants this year. Growing them and caring for them had always appealed to me so I finally leaned into my horticulturist side and got a small Aloe Vera in March. I collected more plants as the months passed and I currently have about thirty-seven unique plants. I honestly don’t even know how I got here. Taking care of them got easier after I learned about all the species I have and their living preferences.
• My year started with a breakup and although I met wonderful people as the months passed I never really felt ready for something else. More of my friends got married and proposed to this year than in any others before and this is only going to increase. Is that scary? Its something I’m still adapting to. On the flip side, I’m always happy to see young married people uplifting and loving each other publicly. It somehow cancels out the silly relationship debates that plague Twitter X.
• I’m at the best place I’ve ever been in my career. I left an engineering role at Moniepoint last year so I could finish school and I spent large portions of this year silently debating what I wanted after. I had experiences last year that made me reconsider working corporately as an engineer but I was finally able to find clarity and a focus.
• As a way of documenting my experiences during my diagnosis and surgery, I started taking a few minutes every evening to briefly write about my experiences and feelings for that day. Looking back on those notes is like a mirror into my past and it helps me appreciate all the things I’ve moved on from. It gives you a greater sense of perspective outside your current moment.
• I braided my hair for the first time in October and it hurt so badly that I took it off the next day. You people are trying o (women). Everytime I complained to a woman I heard some version of “Beauty is pain.” I’m never even trying all-back again. God forbid. I’ve found styles that aren’t painful and I’ll be sticking to those.
• Being out of school now, I’m having to adapt to not having most of my friends be a few minutes away at most. If you have 20 friends in 20 different places how are you making time to see everyone consistently while also working and living? It feels impossible. If you’re in a large friend group the easiest solution I see here is for whoever has the biggest living space to invite everyone over every week or something. We need more gatherings in 2024 and moving forward—not parties —spaces where we can just talk and hang out like students.

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As a sort of resolution for next year, I want to take time to be kinder to people. I know self-sufficiency and being comfortable on your own are important. But I’ve also experienced how life means more when you have people to root for, who root for you, who you can share with, live with, and laugh with. Community. People.

Living is serious business. But I don’t think life is that deep. At least it shouldn’t be. Ambitions here, money there, love somewhere, community everywhere, what else? I’ve given up on engaging with things out of my control that make me unhappy. Like the many wars and injustices happening everywhere. But they also help to ground me. What is this little one life I’m living? Not worth much, but I’ll make the most of it.

I hope you remember to look in the water too.